The Hardest Part

from See You In November EP by Beth O'Reilly

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lyrics

i always said you smelled of warmth
so when the sun shines i stay inside, cover my eyes and try to pretend i don’t miss you

i’ve never been a very good actress
if i could cry on cue there would be so many tears for you, but I think i’m dehydrated

my body isn’t my body, it’s a comparative piece.
it’s a never ending study on why she was better than me and i can’t believe you didn’t spare me a second thought

the hardest part is knowing that you’re fine
the hardest part was your walk away while crying
the hardest part is i don’t know if you’re fine
but i’m not allowed to ask

you said the right thing is the hardest
i need to know why wasn’t it the hardest on you and only on me because i feel permanently broken

and the songs i hated but the songs you loved
have become anthems for my torture
when you’re all i’m thinking of
the ink on this page might as well be blood
because this song is my heart ripped out for you my love

the hardest part is knowing that you’re fine
the hardest part was you walking away and crying
the hardest part is i presume you’re fine
but i’m not allowed to ask

why do colours remind me of you?
the green of your room, the red of your name, the dirty black i left make up stained, the yellow of the stars that never shone for me anyway

the hardest part was breaking down
the hardest part is the fact you’re not around
the hardest part is when i can’t stop crying
the hardest part is when i feel like dying
the hardest part is i need you by my side
the hardest part is i thought you were mine
i thought you were mine